mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
