At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
