He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
