My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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