A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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