I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
