I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
