somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
