i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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