soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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