Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
