fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
