Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize