when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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