It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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