And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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