youre lurking in front of me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
