Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
