did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize