we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize