And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
