That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize