i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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