just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
