taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
