We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
