Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
