it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
