in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
