soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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