The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
