Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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