After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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