I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
