new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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