Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize