I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
