The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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