What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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