you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
