Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
only you would photoshop your dick
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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