we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
