I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
