Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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