there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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