sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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