I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
