I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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