I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
