Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
