My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
