i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
