i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
