there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize