She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
