My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
