i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
