i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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