im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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