1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
