y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
