Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
