I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize