It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
