Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize