it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize