So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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