I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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