If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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