So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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