He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
