Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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