This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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